The bear and the marten (updated)

The common IE word for 'bear', found in most branches (Hittite hartagga-, Celtic *arto-, Greek árktos, Armenian arǯ, Avestan arša-, Latin ursus, Sanskrit ŕkṣa-, etc) is usually reconstructed as  *h₂^ər^ətk´o-, where the "thorny cluster" tk´ (k´þ in older reconstructions) has various reflexes t, s, š, kt, kṣ.

However, I regard the Hittite segment -gga- as a suffix like the one found in Turkic qarsaq 'steppe fox' < Altaic *karsi 'marten'. This would leave us with a protoform *h₂^ər^əC-ko-, where C would represent a sibilant (possibly palato-alveolar) affricate like the one of NE Caucasian *χHVr[tɕ’]V 'marten; otter'¹ (a Nakh-Dargwa isogloss). Probably also Yeniseian *χa(ʔ)s (^~ k-) 'badger' belongs here.

Ignoring external data, some Indo-Europeanists have proposed a link between 'bear' and an IE verb 'to destroy'. Interestingly enough, this meaning is represented in NE Caucasian by *HarGG(w)V, which I'd link to Altaic *jàrgi (^~ -o) 'wild beast of prey' and possibly also to Arabic ʕurāʒ- 'hyena(s)', proposed by Nostraticists as cognates of IE 'bear'.

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¹ Using his etymological instinct, Bengtson links this to Basque hartz 'bear', an IE loanword, most likely from Celtic.

The horse goes before the cart (updated)

Germanic *xursa-/*xrussa- 'horse' has been linked by some Indo-Europeanists to Latin currō 'to run'¹. This verb is derived from a Paleo-European lexeme *k^ər^əs- also reflected in Celtic *karro- and Latin currus 'cart'² < *k^ər^əs-o-. However, in chronological terms, the traditional view of deriving 'horse' from a verb 'to run' would be like putting the cart before the horse. That is, the meaning 'horse' has to be older than 'run' and not the other way around.  

In my opinion, the Paleo-European word would be related to East Caucasian *ʁHwo:r[tʃ^ʔ]o (˜ -tɕ^ʔ-,-ə) 'deer, game', probably dating from the Upper Paleolithic. Possibly  also Yeniseian *kuʔs 'horse' belongs here, as the names of domesticated animals are often Wanderwörter.

The Caucasian word is also the source of Kurganic IE *jorko-³ (Celtic *jorko- 'roe deer (Capreolus capreolus)', Greek zórks, dórkas 'gazelle'), with metathesis. 

I also suspect this is the origin of the autochthnous name of the Pyrenean chamois (Rupicapra pyrenaica)⁴: Aragonese chizard(o), ixarzo, Gascon isar(t), idart, Catalan isard < *i-tsardV, with regular merger of sibilants /ts/ and /s/ in Gascon and Catalan and a prefix *i-, probably a fossilized article. There's also the unprefixed western variant *tsarri > Gascon sarri, Aragonés sarrio, the latter borrowed into Basque⁵.

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¹ G. Kroonen (2013): Etymological Dictionary of Proto-Germanic, pp. 260-261.

² Latin carrus is a Celtic (Gaulish) loanword.

³ Caucasian ʁ ~ Kurganic IE k and Caucasian tʃ ~ Kurganic IE j.

⁴ A species of mountain goat which lives in the Pyrenees, Cantabrian Mountains and the Apeninnes, considered to be a subspecies of the chamois (Rupicapra rupicapra) by some specialists.

⁵ The lack of a native Basque word for the animal can be explained from its absence from the Basque-speaking area.

Aragonese paniquesa 'weasel' (updated)

Aragonese paniquesa, Gascon panquèra, panquèsa 'weasel (Mustela nivalis)' is a diminutive form (with the Romance suffix -ella) which underwent a folk etymology from pan y queso 'bread and cheese'¹. This word shows the idiosyncratic treatment of -ll- in Pyrenaic², similar to the one of West Asturian, which has a voiceless retroflex africate [tʂ].
 

This is an Eurasiatic root found in Eskimo-Aleut *paniɣ 'daughter', Altaic *p^hjun[e] ‘a small wild animal’ (Tungusic *pün´- 'jerboa, flying squirrel, mole; weasel; hedgehog', Mongolian *hünegen 'fox', Turkic *enük (~ *ünek) 'young of a wild animal, puppy'), which I'd link (through labialization of the initial labiovelar) to Caucasian *ɦnǝ:qq’wǝ: (~ *ɦqq’wǝ:nǝ:) 'mouse, rat'³, Yeniseian *ku:n´ (~ g-) 'wolverine', Balto-Slavic *keun- 'marten'.

Possibly also related are Latin cunīculus (a Paleo-Hispanic loanword) and dialectal Basque untxi (HN, R), entxe (HN) 'rabbit', all them diminutive forms.

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¹ Hence the Basque calque ogigaztae (B) 'weasel', from ogi 'bread' and gaztae 'cheese'. For other names of 'weasel' in Basque, see here.

² An extinct Romance language spoken in the High Middle Ages and which gave loanwords to Aragonese and some Pyrenaic Gascon varieties, especially Bearnese. 

³ The metathesized variant is related to Uralic *n´ukk- 'fox', Dravidian *nakk- 'fox, jackal'.

Italian cembro, cembra 'Swiss pine' (updated)

Swiss pine

Italian cembro, cembra, cirmolo 'Swiss pine (Pinus cembra)' is cognate to Friulan cirmul, Ladin cirum, zirm, Raetho-Romance ğèmber (Engadin), žember (Bergün/Bravuogn), Romanian zâmbru, and High German Zirbe, Zirbel, Zirbelkiefer. This would point to a substrate loanword *kemro- ~ *kirmo- which my colleague Marco Moretti considers to be of Tyrrhenian (Rhaetic) origin. 

Another name for the Swiss pine used in Switzerland is Arbe, Arve < *arbo-, with loss of the initial postvelar and denasalization.

For these words I'd propose a Vasco-Caucasian etymology from Caucasian *qq’wǝmV 'grain, fruit stone', Sino-Tibetan *kuam 'fruit (with) kernel', Yeniseian *ʔem- (~ x-) 'cone (of a coniferous tree)'.

Pine cone

 
This etymology would be also the source of Greek kônos 'cone', Altaic *tʃ^humu 'seed; cone' (Mongolian, Tungusic)¹ and Paleo-Basque *sini > Basque zi (S, Z), zĩ (R) 'oak acorn', with palatalization of the initial velar. 
 

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¹ Conflated in the EDAL with Turkic *tʃɨm 'turf, meadow; various kinds of grass (with seeds)'.

Crackpots in action

In historical linguistics, the term crackpot is applied to people (no matter whether academic or amateur) who defend absurd theories (and also to the theories themselves).  Crackpots should be differentiated from pseudo-linguists, people with none or little knowledge of linguistics who engage themselves in the subject with catastrophic results (e.g. Edo Nyland or Polat Kaya).

I'm going to list the crackpots I've got acquainted with in my own career¹. The first one is the French Arnaud Fournet, who has posited an "Proto-Exo-African" [sic] super-family to replace Nostratic. Not only he considers Basque and Etruscan to be remnants of a Paleo-European substrate², but he also claims Yenisseian is an IE language, and has "discovered" several imaginary IE substrate languages in present-day France. Recently, he has written with the Nostraticist Allan Bomhard a paper on the supposed relationship between IE and Hurrian.

The Canadian Glen Gordon is known for his Indo-Aegean hypothesis relating IE and Etruscan³. Being a sui generis Nostraticist, he's a Bomhard's fan but a harsh critic of Starostin⁴. He also likes to "nip in the bud" his rivals' theories.

The German Theo Vennemann is an academic scholar who believes OEH isn't related to IE but to Basque, constituting a "Vasconic" substrate. He also posits an "Atlantidic" substrate akin to Semitic in the Atlantic fringe⁵.

The Italian Mario Alinei is the champion of the so-called Paleolithic Continuity Theory (PCT) of IE origins, which states that IE languages were already spoken in their respective historical homelands since the Mesolithic. The Valencian Jesús Sanchis is one of his supporters.

Last but not least is Michel Morvan, an unortodox French Vascologist who posited a genetical relationship between Basque and Eurasiatic in his doctoral thesis Les origines linguistiques du Basque (1996).

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¹ I should notice that some of them have criticized my own work, even to the point of making personal attacks and censoring me in their own blogs/lists.

² In his own words, Basque and Etruscan "never moved an inch".

³ In the same line than the Spanish Indo-Europeanist Rodríguez Adrados, but a more sophisticated approach.

⁴ Even mentioning the name Starostin makes him angry.
⁵ According to Wikipedia, he now has replaced this theory with a Punic superstrate in Germanic.